


Kazzaztrophe!

by porterville



Category: BoJack Horseman
Genre: AU, Alcohol, Cigarettes, Friends to Enemies to Friends, Herb gets fired still, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Shattered Dreams :(
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:00:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24212509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/porterville/pseuds/porterville
Summary: “I mean, what are they even gonna call it now? Around?”BoJack sticks up for Herb, but it backfires bigtime.
Relationships: BoJack Horseman/Herb Kazzaz
Comments: 6
Kudos: 70
Collections: Ollywoo AUs





	Kazzaztrophe!

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote another quick story, but I wanted to try a longer one! I don't know why, but I LOVE Herb. He's got such a fun energy, such a magnetic personality. I'm glad he lived a full life after BoJack fucked him over, but I can't help but wonder how things could have turned out.
> 
> Send help, can't stop producing BoJack content. Just kidding I'm having a wonderful time. Hope you like the fic!

Herb’s mind buzzed with anger. He scoured his desk, tossing precious memory after precious memory into his complimentary “you’re fired” cardboard box. How could they _do_ this to him, he thought, over something so goddamn _trivial?_ How would he ever recover from this? Who’d hire him?

He picked up the picture frame on his desk. Fresh hurt swirled in his chest when he thought about him. At one point in his life, it had felt like BoJack was the only family he had. He and his parents didn’t speak. Charlotte moved away. All he had was BoJack, and this TV show.

He slammed the frame back onto the desk, face down. His eyes felt warm. 

He started down the hall for the final time, kicking his door closed behind him. He took in the hallway as much as he could, then regretted it when he realized he would always associate it with this moment. Goddammit.

“Herb!”

He stopped, turned around. Sharona strode toward him with purpose, looking pained. She took his box and placed it on a nearby cart, then leant down and hugged him tightly. “This is such _bullshit,”_ she said.

This show of kindness almost made him start crying, but he held it together well enough. As much as he wanted to stalk out of here with his middle finger up, he just couldn’t. “They’re not letting me say goodbye to the kids,” he said, trying to keep his voice steady. “They said it’d look bad.”

“They can’t do this to you,” Sharona said. They both knew they could. She pulled away, crossing her arms. “Is it fuckin’ 1930?”

Herb sighed heavily, discreetly swiped at his eyes, then picked his box back up. “I’ll be fine,” he said quietly. “Just make sure Hollywood doesn’t hurt ‘em too bad, alright?”

She smiled, but she looked strained. “I mean, what are they even gonna call it now? _Around?”_

Herb stopped, confused. “What do you mean, _Around?”_

_—_

He found BoJack at his house, because of course he did. He knocked for a few moments, before deciding to just let himself in. He’d earned the familiarity, he thought.

He opened to a dark living room. His eyes adjusted, and he saw the familiar horse sat at the breakfast bar, slumped over. For a quick moment he was worried, but then BoJack turned toward him. “What are you doing here?”

Herb approached him. “Thought maybe I’d find you at Bellican’s-“

“Nah,” BoJack said, waving his hand. “I needed home booze.”

BoJack had an entire bottle of bourbon next to him, and it was almost halfway gone. He looked tired, washed out. Sad. Herb had known it in the back of the mind for a while, that BoJack was becoming an alcoholic. But to _see_ it, knowing that when they’d met he didn’t even drink, was, ironically, sobering.

Herb took a seat next to him. BoJack grabbed another glass from the dish rack. “Want some?”

Like a hypocrite, Herb said, “Yeah, sure.”

With a practiced hand, BoJack poured him a glass. Herb took it, tipped it in a ‘cheers’ motion, and downed it. _“Fuck,”_ he spat, pounding on his chest. “That’s gonna give me heartburn.”

They lapsed into silence for a moment. Night had fallen, and neither of them bothered to turn on any lights. A couple stars twinkled at him through the smog. He kinda liked it like this, Herb thought. Misery loves company, he thought louder.

“So,” Herb asked, because he genuinely wanted to know, “what happened?”

BoJack groaned, took a sip of bourbon. “You know the ratings aren’t doing so hot. They said they wanna try something new. New horse, maybe a dog or somethin’, I dunno.” He trailed off. “Plus apparently I’m a ‘liability,’ whatever that means.” He put his head in his hands. “I really thought I could do it, Herb. I thought I was important enough.”

Herb took the bottle and poured himself another glass. “Yeah, me too, BJ.” BoJack startled him by laughing lightly.

“What’s so goddamned funny, huh?” he asked, jabbing him in the shoulder.

“Nothing,” BoJack said. “You haven’t called me that in a while.”

_Something_ swooped through his stomach. He took a sip of bourbon. “Yeah, well…” He was _smiling._ “Don’t read into it.”

BoJack smiled at him, and his expression was soft. For the first time in a long time, Herb felt some kind of something holding them together. He felt like he had in the early days, which, God, really wasn’t that long ago. How had they gotten like this?

Herb was starting to feel warm and drunk, and he could only imagine the level BoJack was on. He wondered how long he should stay here, but he also never wanted to leave here and go back to the world that had judged him unworthy of his dream. It still stung so bad to think about. He wanted this night to last longer.

“At least we can do whatever we want now, huh?” Herb offered, in part trying to reassure himself. He held up his glass. “To the post-Horsin’ Around years, whatever they may bring.”

BoJack didn’t have the reaction Herb was expecting. In fact, Herb almost swore he could see his pulse pick up. _“Shit,_ Herb. It’s over.” He was slumped in his seat, propped up on his elbows. “I’m done.”

_“Yeah,_ but-“ Herb threw his hands up. “Fuck ‘em. Right?”

The next thing he knew, BoJack was _sobbing._ Herb was, pardon the expression, like a deer in the headlights. He had _never_ seen BoJack cry before, and he was momentarily paralyzed by the sight.

“Woah, woah, woah-“ Herb finally found himself. He stood up, put his hands on either of BoJack’s shoulders. “BJ, you gotta breathe. You’re gonna be f-“

BoJack wrapped his arms around him, clung to him. With him standing and BoJack sitting, he was at the right high to put his head on Herb’s shoulder. He was talking, sort of. _“I’m sorry, I tried, I’m so, so sorry, please don’t leave me, I’m sorry.”_ Herb’s heart almost stopped. At one point, this would have sent him into a tailspin.

Herb hugged him back, and BoJack gradually got control of himself. He rubbed his back, told him he was going to be okay, he was going to get through this and come out the other side better off. Herb almost felt bad for feeling surprised. But, he thought wryly, just because BoJack was a dick to everyone on set and all his ideas were bad didn’t mean he didn’t care about the show.

They pulled away from each other. Herb knew him well enough to know BoJack was very embarrassed, and he felt bad.

“Hey,” he said. “What say we go out for a smoke?”

BoJack took a deep, long breath. “What say we do.”

—

BoJack had moved to take the bottle of bourbon with him, but Herb _gently insisted_ they should take a break. Now, they sat on the deck, leaning up against the house, staring up at the sky. The pool light cast them in an otherworldly glow. Herb shivered. He put two cigarettes in his mouth, lighting them both and handing one to BoJack.

Somehow, Herb felt like he was imposing. He knew that, realistically, if BoJack didn’t want him here then he would have made that obvious by now. Still, their hands had touched just then, and he felt some residual shame.

“What do you think?” Herb said quietly.

“About what?” BoJack asked.

“About…” Herb struggled. “Me.” When BoJack still didn’t get it, he sighed and said, “Being gay.”

“Oh,” BoJack said, looking away. “I had a feeling. Do you remember-“ He stopped. Took a drag of his cigarette. “Nevermind.”

Herb eyed him. “Remember what?” He knew already.

BoJack looked down. “Do you remember that day at Griffith Park?” He hesitated. The night was still and quiet. “When you kissed me?”

There it was, the first time either of them had acknowledged it. If it had been a week ago, Herb could’ve lied, said he’d forgotten. Those days, he was so deep in his own denial he had deluded himself into believing it had been a mistake, a moment that had gotten away from him. But now, in this moment, when BoJack spoke those words, it was real. The seal had broken. Herb realized that, in a kinder world, if someone had asked him back then, Herb would have said he _loved_ him.

Of course, it had never been a question of love. They’d always loved each other, Herb knew. They were each others’ lifelines when they were first starting out. Somewhere along the line, they had become unimportant to each other. They’d gotten colder, harder, meaner. Herb had made things weird.

But BoJack had remembered. He’d _thought_ about it.

“Yeah,” Herb said, “I remember.”

“Why did you do that?” BoJack asked.

Herb’s heart twisted. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I should’t have put you in that position-“

“No,” BoJack said. “I mean, why me?”

Herb froze. He would’ve done _anything_ for a record scratch sound effect. He laughed, incredulous. “You wanna know why I kissed you six years ago?” God, he could feel himself getting red. Goddammit.

“Yeah, I do.”

Herb’s smile softened. What else did he have to lose? “You’re- You were my best friend. We were… in it together. You and me against the world. You were so happy, and I was so, _so_ happy to see you so happy. I was happy I had _made_ you happy.” He hesitated. Ah, fuck it. “And you’re not so bad to look at.”

BoJack was smiling way too big. “Wow, Herb, tell me how you _really_ feel.”

Herb blew smoke directly into his face. They were both laughing. “Don’t push it.” They didn’t speak for a moment.

“I’m sorry,” BoJack said. Before, he had sounded desperate and frantic, but now he just sounded embarrassed. “This isn’t just about me.”

Herb waved his hand. “It’s okay, BJ.”

“I think-“ BoJack stopped, looked like he was considering his words carefully. “I feel like we both overcorrected.”

“What do you mean?”

“It was…” BoJack put a hand to his forehead, took a drag from his cigarette. “You were my best friend, Herb. You were _so_ important to me, and then you kissed me, and…” He faltered. “It was too much to think about. I couldn’t handle it. And you were the only thing grounding me back then, so without you I just… fucked it all up.” He sat back. “I dunno, maybe it’s good for me that it’s all over.”

Herb titled his head back, staring off at the illuminated Hollywood sign. He felt like he was finally decompressing, at least a little bit. There was something cathartic in this, he knew. Since the scandal broke, he’d been _so_ on edge, not knowing who he could trust or where he could turn. His entire world had been collapsing all around him. Now, it was finally, fully collapsed, so he could pick through the rubble to see what was left.

He could appreciate that BoJack had honest-to-god _tried_ to do something nice for him, and he could feel this loss _with_ him. They could share the burden. He looked over at him. How had Herb never noticed he was miserable?

Maybe, from here, things could actually get better. “Thank you. For sticking your neck out for me.”

BoJack scoffed. “Lot of good it did, huh?”

Herb thought about doing something very bold, and the bourbon must have gotten to him because he actually did it. He put his hand on BoJack's. “It did.”

BoJack looked up at him. Had they been sitting this close the whole time?

There was no mistake, BoJack was definitely the one who closed the gap. His hands were on either side of Herb’s face, holding him there. Herb was frozen in this moment, only able to close his eyes and, too easily, kiss him back.

And then it was over. _“Shit!”_ BoJack shouted, and Herb saw why. Apparently, the horse had dropped his cigarette into his lap when he had leaned over and-

He had to say it, he _knew_ he had to say it. “You’re drunk,” Herb said.

BoJack’s mouth opened, then closed. He say back heavily, looked as if his foundations had been thoroughly shaken. He flicked his cigarette into the pool. Under his breath, he said, “Being drunk doesn’t make you gay.”

Herb chuckled, felt a rush of sympathy. “That it doesn’t.” He took his hand again, and they fell against each other. He wanted to say, _no hard feelings. I get it. This is gonna be tough. I’m here for you._ But he didn’t want to scare him off.

BoJack leaned back, and Herb passed him his cigarette. Herb felt him take a deep breath, and smiled.

“Y-you shouldn’t be driving home,” BoJack said uncertainly.

“I’m not goin’ anywhere, BJ,” Herb said.

**Author's Note:**

> So, the circumstances surrounding Herb getting fired are different here obviously, basically the ratings are worse than they were in the show. 
> 
> Not to ask for comments but I sure do love 'em!


End file.
